1. Every relationship is different. I may have a guideline or and idea of what a relationship could look like, but the truth is that every relationship is unique, with variables that i don't know, so i should never judge a relationship from the outside and assume i know whats best for it. So many things happen that i'm not aware of. Therefore i also shouldn't judge my own relationship with outside standards. I may want to work on it to reach certain balance, but i never should do it to resemble other relationships or to fulfill a specific social stereotype. Every relationship is different, and my only standard should be The Bible. Am i portraying Jesus' character through my relationship?
2. Every person is a whole new different world. Each of us come with a background, a life story, guidelines, experiences, ideas, standards, values, insecurities and pain. Each of us have a way of responding to the environment. I should always remember to take into account the context. I should never forget that not everyone is like me, or had the same experiences i did, therefore their perspective on something might be the total opposite of mine.
3. Life is complex, not complicated. So many people, and variables to take into account... Things aren't complicated, that just gives a negative spin to things when in reality it's not negative, it's just harder. But hard doesn't mean impossible. Sometimes the whole "no pain no gain" motto is on point, specially regarding relationships. "Nobody said it was easy" say Coldplay, i agree.
4. There is beauty in brokenness. When you have given everything you have, when things are rough, when you have no more tears or personal strength and are left vulnerable hoping someone will love you in spite of your weaknesses and insecurities. When the only thing left you can possibly do is cry out to God to restore you and to fight the battles for you. When everything seems to be bigger than you. You are perfectly in tune with the essence of the creation. I find that to be beautiful in a special way because you are actually able to feel God as close as never before. You understand that there isn't one more breath you can take without His help. You can't fix anything, you can't think anything, you won't do anything without His Spirit in you. It's a shame we have to brake ourselves so much in order to experience this.
5. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ALL THINGS. That includes forgiving and forgetting. To be able to overcome the desire of eating every time i feel anxious or sad. The motivation to work out. The ability to love even when i'm hurting. Having a peace in the middle of a storm. They seem like cliches, but they are real in my life.
6. Not everything that's good, it's good for me. I have come to understand that not because things are good, i should do them. There are so many things that are good for certain people that applied to my life it could be catastrophic. That's why i shouldn't do every fitness program that it exists, i shouldn't buy every product that they sell, i should't wear every trend, i shouldn't eat every kind of food, and i shouldn't take every advice and make it my own. EVEN IF IT'S GOOD. Because not every relationship is the same, not every body is the same, not every effect will be the same. We can have the same variables and get different results, so i should always discriminate which things are good FOR ME, or FOR US, then just to take things because they are proven to work, apply them to my life and expect amazing results. Not everything is clear cut, black and white, if-it's-not-working-you-must-be-doing-it-wrong deal.
7. The most expensive things in life, are the ones you can't buy. Another not so surprising realization. But it doesn't hurt to say it again. There isn't enough things you can buy that will make you happy. You can have the best clothes, cars, house, and gadgets. You can travel the world and eat at the best places. But if you have a bitter heart, nothing you do or buy will help you to be ok. I don't even say to be happy, i just say to be OK. Relationships can build you up or destroy you. Work in them, invest in them, cherish them.... they hold the sweetness of your heart. Work in them sometimes might mean to look at people trying to understand where they are coming from... Investing in them might mean to not only set time apart to share but to also put aside your pride or ego to make room for the relationship to grow. Cherish them might mean you need to pay a little more attention to details or to reach out even when you don't think it's your place to do the apologizing. NOTHING you have or do will have flavor if you are doing it alone, or aren't connecting to the person you are doing it with.
8. Happiness shouldn't be your ultimate goal. That's not what we are here for. The pursuit of happiness is a concept that society created in our mind to control what we do, buy and want. You don't "find" or "reach" happiness. It's not a place to get to, and it's not a reward for suffering so much. Happiness is one more feeling, just like all of the other feelings we experience once in a while. It shouldn't be the end goal because we would just be setting ourselves up for failure. We can't retain it as something we win or buy and it certainly won't help us fix things. The pursuit of happiness actually stands in between US and OTHERS. It puts our desires before anything, and everything....or EVERYONE. In the name of Happiness we destroy families, brake relationships, waste money, compare ourselves with others, and feed our ego, pride and entitlement. And don't even try to tell me "God wants me to be happy" because it would seem like you haven't read your Bible, ever. I could list text after text where God says that we will suffer in this world, but that He will always be with us, to help us, and that one day He will come and get us and takes us where we will truly be happy. He wants us to get saved, to be eternally happy with Him...Not to make a perfect little house down here and hold it tight and fight for it at the cost of relationships to make it seem like we are happy. Does He want us to enjoy life? yes, He rejoices when we are happy. But that's not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is to get to Heaven and help others get to Heaven.
9. Having the control is overrated. You can do everything "right" and still don't get what you "deserve". Life isn't about controlling everything that goes on around us. This one is a hard lesson i had to learn. You can't control situations or people...sometimes is hard to even control ourselves! what makes us believe we can control others? The only thing i can do is choose how i want to handle situations. I can think on my main goal and work towards it, but i can't control what the outcome will be. Because life is complex, and there are other people involved, with other variables. Therefore, not everything will come out how i expect it, and certainly not everything i do might be interpreted the way i was intending. When we realize that we can't control everything is when we actually start to have the power to change our mindset or our behavior. Because we finally give up on trying to do it all, and when the pressure is off, we can focus on what we can actually do, no matter how small that is. Small behaviors can go a long way under desperate measures. Ask God to control your mind, and tackle the little things you can do within you to make a situation better.
10. It's hard to make sense measuring with different sensors. Sometimes what makes sense to us is very different to what makes sense to others. That doesn't make them wrong, and certainly doesn't mean we are wrong. It just means we are different. We might be measuring things with a different sensor. That is when compromise comes in. No one owns the truth, or the best way to everything. We need to learn how to appreciate someone else's perspective, even when it sounds like nails on chock-board. If we don't have to agree to live our lives, than why even bother to argue about it? If you have to make a decision with them, then try to understand where they are coming from, and try to communicate where you are coming from. Nothing good comes out of attacking someone's point of view right off the bat without even trying to understand a little more, because sometimes they will hold a truth we haven't discovered yet, or you might be able to make someone grow with our insight on a matter. Not all journeys are the same, and when it comes to human beings, most of the time there isn't just one answer to everything.
